Hold the rotary phone!: Sexualities - Learning the Difference
Disclaimer: I believe that all sexualities are important and should be better understood. This is, in no way, meant to insult or harm others. If you feel offended, please let me know. I will do my best to make sure everyone is accounted for.
There are a large number of sexualities in the world….
WOOOAAAHH what the fuck. Okay the sentiment behind this post is…acceptable, I mean I can’t argue against the fact that asexuals aren’t well represented and that there’s a lot of stigma against them but this post is so full of offensive statements. Not to mention outright inaccuracy, and for those two reasons you’re reeeaally not doing the asexual community any favors.
I’m just flabbergasted that you think that being an LGBT supporter gives you the right to say “fuck homosexuality”. Sure, people are a lot more aware of it than asexuality—in a HUGELY negative way! I am not homosexual or heterosexual and I am completely offended by that sort of attitude. Asexuality is not in some way better or morally superior or more worthy of attention just because fewer people are aware of it. We’re not some cool “underground” thing that you should be praised just for knowing about, and the more you portray us that way, the harder it will be for us to get people to take us and our experiences seriously. Get your head out of your butt and quit being a sexuality hipster.
Second of all, you are clearly not an asexual yourself. You say you’ve communicated with asexuals, but if you had spoken with them more, maybe you’d realize what a divide there is in the community, and that it is nearly impossible to make blanket statements—in fact, there is only one blanket statement you could possibly make about asexuals, which is that we don’t feel sexual attraction; even that isn’t entirely accurate and possibly misleading, since “asexual” frequently refers to both asexuals and those on the asexual spectrum, such as demisexuals, gray-asexuals, etc. Aside from that, since in most other orientations sexual attraction is conflated with romantic or aesthetic attraction (along with numerous others) it might cause people to assume that all asexuals refrain from romantic relationships, which is far from being the case, although it is the case for some.
Which brings me to my third point: because of the generalizations you make in your post, you entirely erase certain parts of the community. I like this bit: “Sure, if you wish to date an asexual, they will ‘fool’ around with you but don’t expect it to be constant.” You make it sound as though all asexuals will have sex with you (many won’t) and all asexuals will do so unwillingly (again, many are quite willing). You don’t even bring up the concept of aromantics, who don’t engage in romantic relationships or experience romantic attraction. Heteronormativity at its finest—and coming from someone who says “fuck heterosexuality”, too.
You call asexuality “a total lack of desire for sexual conduct”. You think all asexuals are without libido? You think asexuals don’t masturbate or watch porn? (Again, not all asexuals do these things, but many do—just like the rest of the world, gosh who would have thought) Asexuality doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sexual sensations, it means you are not sexually attracted to people and that is, quite literally, all that it entails.
“Asexuals tend to focus more on the emotional or ‘deeper’ connection of the relationship.” Bullshit, OP. You think that sexual people don’t? This kind of crap is what gets us so much hate from the queer community: they perceive us as moral elitists because, yes, many asexuals rely on emotional bonds rather than the sexual attraction that often draws other orientations to their significant others. This doesn’t mean that the relationships of asexuals are somehow purer or “truer”, and it definitely doesn’t mean that there isn’t dirty filthy unorthodox sex going on, especially in sexual/asexual relationships, if the asexual in the relationship is indifferent to sex. (If the asexual in a relationship is repulsed, it’s less likely that they will agree to sex, but again, not impossible.) But all of this is beside the point, because you are painting asexuals into a perfect pretty picture where we’re up on these pedestals that don’t fucking exist because there is no moral superiority in one way or another way of having a relationship. If this guy likes this girl because she has big tits, or this girl likes this guy because she likes his butt, or any other variation therein, why are the emotions they feel any less valid than a couple that likes each other for their brains, or their artistic ability? The answer: they’re not. (And furthermore, many asexuals are interested in their partners for other reasons than emotional connection. I can’t say that I can identify with that strongly, but I’m sure it wouldn’t take long to find one of the many asexuals on tumblr to explain it to you.)
The sad part is that so many people reading this are going to feel that this reflects on the feelings of asexuals, which, I can tell you already, they obviously don’t. We get hate because of trolls and because of uninformed people like the OP who try to speak for us. Just stop. Let us speak for ourselves. Though the sentiment behind this post was nice (but not necessarily “good”; the two are different) this has the potential to create a lot of shit for us. So please think before you write something like this next time. Think about who you’re offending, and what you’re doing to the people you’re trying to help.
Reblogged for commentary.
I’ve avoided touching this, but the commentary here is *handwaves* something I’d like to echo.
^ Awesome commentary.
